LISTEN UP SCHOOLS

Reprinted with permission from the 12 year old student who wrote this upon becoming overwhelmed at school.  It was journaled on a school computer, which flagged some of the words in the letter.  The writer was called in to the office and questioned (appropriately) about their safety and whether this person knew specifically of other students who were in danger.  The thing is, no one addressed what this person wrote.  No one said "we get it" or "you're right."  

Dear writer.  You're right, you're awesome, and you deserve to be heard.  :)
                                                                                                                                               

To whom it may concern,

This has to stop. 

I know, you don't care about anything other than numbers. So let this number take her shape. I am 48673921. My father knows me as …………. ……………... My friends know me as …………. But all that matters to you is my number. Number, last name, first name. That's all I am. That's all I ever will be. You don't care about the fact that my arm is scarred because of you. You don't care that because of what you do I could be dead today. All I am is test scores and a number. Not my family. Not my life. Not the fact that I cry myself to sleep at night. The only reason you would care is if my scores are terrible, or perfect. You don't notice that people avoid eating because others insult their weight. You don't care if someone goes home and swallows pill, after pill, after pill, in an effort to kill themselves. 

You don't care. 

You don't change. 

You say you care when you give kids counselors at school and a peppermint or two for a test that hasn't been proven to help anyone in anything. Tell them to eat or sleep. You don't really care. You tell kids to sleep, but don't care about the fact that they can't for fear of failing. Tell them to study, but also tell them to go to bed early. 

Go ahead and write me off, just like you always want to do. Claim children have freedom, have choice, as you turn away from them pleading, begging for change. Say they don't get to decide. But I won't give up. While you shove textbooks and facts down my throat, I can force cold, hard truth into your minds. You tell me to read about food famines, and I can tell you about children with bounties of food turning themselves into skeletons. People cutting their wrists with scissors, scratching themselves raw. Going to school even though they feel sick with anxiety  because mental illness is suffocating them.

You just don't get it, do you? You don't get that children deserve to have a say in their education, not their parents, not the President, them. The kids to slit their wrists because of you. Lots of this is your fault. Accept it. Do something before another child gets hurt because of you. Get angry at kids who need to have something to do when they draw in class. Then ask why they hate themselves. Why they disobey you and wind up drawing a noose, wishing you could take it from the paper and leave the world because you're nothing but a worthless failure. The grades can call kids a failure, or unsatisfactory. Then you question why kids can't bear to stay on the planet. Then kids wind up turning so much as an A- into the message: "You stupid, stupid kid, why do you think you can do anything right, what made you think you were anything but a failure." 

Answer honestly: How does it feel to have blood on your hands?

How does it feel to know that because of your ignorance, kids have scars?

How does it feel to hear that because you refuse to take action, your precious little numbers cry themselves to sleep at night?

How does it feel for a kid to tell you this?

Judging by the fact that there hasn't been a change the children have selected so much as once, you don't care.

As long as you get your straight A numbers, you don't care.

As long as you get some perfect people, you don't mind a few deaths on your hands. 

Show that you care. Change things. Or people will die. It isn't a kid whining because of homework. This is a kid stating that if you don't do anything, people will continue to harm themselves. To cry themselves to sleep. To attempt suicide. It's time to do something. People claim slavery is over, racism is mostly at an end. But it won't be until you give children the right to decide their fates. The chance to choose their rights. I'm not saying kids need the chance to vote for the President, but for the chance to pick their rights. Otherwise you may as well tell children that they don't matter.

I know you won't listen. But I won't surrender. Open your eyes. I don't care if you send me off to a mental hospital because of things I do and feel. I'm just sick of seeing the hurt you cause without even batting an eye.

Sincerely, 

48673921

It won't suck forever. Really.

I get it. 

You're discouraged.  You're disappointed.  Someone has broken your heart.  You feel trapped, powerless and out of control.  Whatever is going on, right now, things just suck. 

It won't suck forever.  Remember that.  I know.  You don't believe me.  It's ok.  Hear me out.

Today's world is HARD.  We are overloaded, overstimulated and overwhelmed, mostly without adequate skills to manage our emotions.  We get taught from day one NOT to feel - or at least not to tell anyone about it.  We end up feeling alone and lost.  People act really shitty and think it's their right.  You're not making it up.  Sometimes things really do suck. 

Don't give up.  Wait a week.  Or a day.  Or an hour.  Recognize that not every minute is horrible, and that horrible is relative.  Don't fall for the trap that there is some way you can rig your life that everything will be wonderful and happy all the time.  There are significant moments, both happy and lousy, scattered throughout a whole lot of pretty darn boring.  That's the way it's supposed to be.  You've been sold a bill of goods in movies and TV that everything is exciting and dramatic.  It's not.  Remember, they're condensing several days, weeks or months into 40ish minutes.  People don't watch TV and movies to see reality.  It's drama.  Life isn't like that. 

There's this thing called "habituation."  It's hard-wired.  We can't NOT do it.  From the time we're babies, we pay attention to something new.  Over time, it gets boring, and it doesn't pique our interest anymore.  It would take greater and greater levels of happiness to achieve the same feelings over time.  Similarly, we habituate to hard times too, so even if whatever stressful thing that's going on keeps going on for a long time, our brains get used to it and it doesn't seem so stressful.  The thing is, most of the time, stresses come and go.  You have a fight with your friend.  In a week, either you've both forgotten about it, or at the very least you've gotten used to avoiding each other in the hallway.  Think about things that have happened that were awful and you thought they'd never end.  Then they ended.  And you were ok.  That doesn't mean it didn't suck.  It just means it didn't suck forever. 

A guy named Ken Baldwin jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge in 1985.  He reports that as soon as he let go, he realized that "everything in [his] life that [he] thought was unfixable was totally fixable - except for having just jumped."  I can tell you I hear this story over and over.  A 20 year old guy who got dumped by his girlfriend and decided to hang himself.  As soon as the rope got tight, he remembers thinking it was a bad idea.  He's pretty glad his grandparents heard him.  Another kid in his 20's who tried suicide a couple years ago and can't really remember why he even wanted to do it.  A 17 year old girl who overdosed and cut herself who is now 25, finishing school and pretty darn happy with her life.  I could go on and on.

Any animal caught in a trap is tempted to chew off a leg to get free.  It's pretty normal for any one of us to consider suicide from time to time as a way to avoid having to actually go through whatever crappy thing is happening at the moment.  There's a big difference between really wanting to die and just wanting the pain to stop.  You want the pain to stop.  I know.  Me too.  The thing is, a lot of people don't know that they have choices other than feel miserable, or think about suicide.  If someone were to give you another option that made sense, you'd probably take it. 

That other option is about TOOLS and SKILLS.  No offense to parents and other people in your life, but LOTS of people don't have those skills.  We have skills for avoidance.  Numb out with TV, video games, alcohol, drugs, sex, sometimes over-achieving, dieting, whatever keeps you from feeling the pain.  Yes.  Learning new skills and getting through it is hard.  The more you practice, the easier it gets.  So where would you learn these skills?  TV?  We covered that.  Friends?  Their skills might not be any better than yours, and they might be the ones causing the problem in the first place.  Parents?  That's hit or miss.  If you have a great relationship with parents who have great skills, you're probably not thinking about killing yourself (though that's not always true either).  And yeah, when you feel hopeless at the end of your rope it's hard to be really motivated about learning a whole bunch of new coping skills.  You don't have to do it alone. 

So many people are scared to go see a therapist, but therapists are great coaches and can give you a short-cut to feeling better.  Therapists aren't there to judge you, or lecutre you, or boss you around.  Don't waste your energy feeling ashamed, weak or embarassed.  They won't see you that way.  Yes there are bad therapists.  Most of them aren't.  If you get a bad one, walk out of their office and right straight into someone else's.  I'd be surprised if you find 2 bad ones in a row.  Call your local community mental health center.  Google "THERAPIST (your zip code or city)."  Talk to your parents, if that's a safe thing to do.  Talk to a teacher.  Talk to a friend.  Talk to a friend's mom or dad.  TALK TO SOMEONE.   Know that it doesn't always take a lot of money to talk to a professional.  Call a hotline.  1-800-273-TALK or 1-800-SUICIDE Somewhere, there is someone who will listen.  Remember, you're not calling to tell them you're going to kill yourself.  You're calling to tell them you want another option.   

You can do this.  It will be worth it because it won't suck forever.  I promise.