ENOUGH

This post might not make me very popular. 

It's taken me a day to get to the point where I can even put thoughts together. 

Yesterday I just had a sick, empty feeling in the pit of my stomach and didn't know where to file this in my head.  I cannot imagine (thankfully) the horror being experienced in Connecticut right now.  I cannot imagine sending my kids to school and getting a call that they have been shot.  I cannot imagine the mind of a person who would do this.  I hope he was psychotic.  I hope he was on drugs.  I hope he was absolutely "bat-shit crazy."  Because if a "sane" and "sober" person did this? 

Unpoplular point #1:  Folks, we're in trouble.  We are pretty comfortable blaming terrorism on this religious sect or that political group, but the way it's happening here in this country is way more scary.  I can't help but think about countries around the world where this is the norm.  We sit in our nice, safe little houses and think "oh golly those poor people in Afghanistan - never knowing when the bus they're riding will be blown up . . ."  Guess what?  That's US now.  That's America.  Land of the FREE and home of the brave, where we dare not limit anyone's freedom to ... well, do whatever the hell they want, including walk into a movie theater or elementary school and shoot fish in a barrel. 

The presumption of innocence in the legal system has been RAPED and EXPLOITED.  You can't get a restraining order until someone has done something harmful.  You can't limit a person's contact with a child until you have PROOF they have done something that damages their little psyche forever.  God forbid we limit freedom - but it's hard to legislate responsibility.  I'm not advocating the return to a society that burns people at the stake or forms a lynch mob, but the pendulum has swung too far.  You may be thinking about all my posts against judgement and drawing exclusive lines.  There's a limit.  Killing people is WRONG.  It's BAD.  If there were ever a black and white, this is it.  I'm stopping short of evil, for those who would like to hide behind the whole "Satan" thing.  It's not evil.  It's the result of the permissive, narcissistic society we've created.  We've done it to ourselves.  We're so afraid of offending someone that we let people get away with . . . MURDER.

Unpopular point #2:  Plain and simple, assault weapons need to be illegal.  I'm not some anti-NRA wacko.  I have guns in my home.  They are for keeping the coyotes away from my chickens.  But there is absolutely NO reason for the average person to have a weapon that will fire 15 or 30 rounds without reloading.  Want to know what it sounded like in that school?  Take a listen.  Click Here.  There is NO WAY you need this for hunting turkeys or deer (which I support - and anyone who wants to send me some venison is WELCOME to do so.  I have recipes and am not afraid to cook it.).  Now is the time, folks.  How many movie theaters?  How many malls?  How many ELEMENTARY SCHOOLS??  Oh - but what about our precious freedoms?   What about people who are responsible with their guns?  I beseech you, responsible gun owners, to make the sacrifice for the safety of the rest of the country, to surrender your semi-automatic weapons.  Every morning you wake up and don't see headlines about 28 people being gunned down, you can feel proud of your contribution to the effort. 

 
28 people. 

28.
Children. 

It's worth it.  In fact, let me know who you are and I'll send you a personal thank you note on behalf of my children who are 6 and 9 and attend school.  Frankly, it would make me feel better to know that some kid who got pissed off at his mom could only get hold of a gun that shot a few rounds.  And I'd hope that some of those MISSED. 



One argument against gun control is that if we ban the legal sale of these weapons, only the bad guys will have them.  I don't claim to be an expert on such things, but in my experience, the bad guys typically kill each other.  Occasionally, one or two innocent people get caught in the crossfire.  I doubt this number would change much if assault weapons were banned.  Maybe this is naive and over-simplified.  I just can't help but notice that the people who are slaughtering rooms full of innocent people aren't "the bad guys."  These aren't gang members and criminals, these are college students and people of relative affluence.  Let the bad guys kill each other off with the assault weapons.  Make it harder for everyone to get their hands on them.  I'm wondering if any of the recent shooters would have made it past the background check.



THIS is ridiculous



When the theater shooting happened in Colorado, someone posted a response to my aching heart status on my facebook page that they wondered how things would have been different if someone in the theater had been "packing."  (Seriously?  PACKING??)  I wonder what that person is thinking now.  Then again, if one of those 6 year olds had been "packing . . . "  Eventually I gave up with the debate, because there is no reasoning with someone on their self-righteous high horse.  I love it when opinionated, short-sighted, judgmental people get some comeuppance.  Funny that there hasn't been a bunch of pro-gun propaganda on facebook after this one.  (UPDATE:  That lasted about 72 hours) Go figure.

And returning to my softer self, unpopular point #3:  There are a lot of parents out there who aren't paying attention, and even the ones who are don't have any idea what to do with a kid who they're afraid of or worried about.  No doubt the view is pretty good from the cheap seats, but I hope I'd notice if my kids were building bombs in my basement.  Teenagers are sullen and withdrawn.  Yep.  I get it.  My 9 year old is already giving me flack about having the password to her email account.  The deal is, I don't have access, you don't have email.  I don't check often, and I'm not going to address what I find (DRAMA) unless I need to.  I respect her privacy, but you can be DAMN sure I'm going to monitor my kids.  And the more withdrawn they get, the more I'd monitor them.  I've got it easy right now.  My kids tell me more than I want to know about their day at school.  When that stops, I will snoop.  I will be all over their space because it's my JOB to know what's going on with my kids.  I will be honest about it, and careful about how I use the information.  They will hate me from time to time, especially when I catch them about to do something they're not supposed to do, but I didn't sign on to be their BFF, I signed on to be a PARENT.  Sometimes that means kids tell you they hate you, but I'm not going to put my 6 year old (the one who balls up her fists and says she hates me - to be honest it is just so darn cute because in 5 minutes she is sobbing and wants to make sure I know she doesn't really hate me) in charge of my self-esteem. 

Here's the bigger problem:  There's nothing to DO with a kid you're worried about.  The mental health system has been cut back to the point where it's hard for anyone to get help.  And these aren't kids, they're adults, so there's no way to MAKE them get treatment.  The legal system won't touch them until they've done something, and what we're seeing with this new breed is that they don't get in a lot of trouble.  They don't give much warning, other than maybe being seen as a little weird.  Raising a child like that is a huge challenge for parents, and most don't have the resources to provide the counseling and monitoring they really need.  All I can say is that from my vantage point, I see a lot of parents who would go to the ends of the earth to make sure their child gets their needs met - but can't find any services for them.  And I see a lot of parents who sit by and blame others for their child's behaviors.  They blame the other parent.  They blame the kids at school.  They say they just can't seem to impact the kid.  I spend a lot of time convincing parents of entitled teenagers that their child will not actually DIE if they are without their cell phone/electronics/car for a few days.  Then there are the kids that need more than limits and consequences (notice CONSEQUENCES not PUNISHMENT - there's a very important difference and it has to do with power.  Future blog).  Read "I am Adam Lanza's Mother. 

This blog is so long because the answers aren't easy.  The most simplistic summary is about the imbalance between freedom and responsibility, and the lack of connectdness in community. 

We've gotta turn this bus around, people.  We're in danger here.