Thursday, January 31, 2013

Anticipating St. Valentine

As we approach the season of hearts and flowers, I think I'll write a bit about relationship.


You can thank me later, men.
Anyway, Valentine's day is a fun one, as we celebrate the anniversary of the execution of Saint Valentine.  Leave it to Hallmark to pretty up a beheading.  Actually the story is pretty sweet, so if you don't know it, you can read it here.  Of course it's Wikipedia, so who knows. 

Relationships are tricky, and take work.  One of the biggest problems is that (IMHO, of course) we are trying to squish our instincts into a framework that isn't natural.  We take these big strong hunters who are designed for leaving home for several months at a time, risking their lives, taking the chance they'll never come home while they grunt and pee with the other hunters, and expect them to notice that the throw pillows on the fluffy duvet aren't straight.  Admit it, ladies, it's a little unfair.

But hold on there, Caveman Bob - before you get excited and start sitting in the living room naked, read that sentence again.  We're no longer asking you to bring down the mammoth with your bare hands.  You get to throw back that duvet and sink into the fluffy pillow-top mattress eeeeeeeevery night.  It's a tradeoff.  You choose.  Feel free to grunt and pee and holler for your grub from your home in the back yard.  No?  Then straighten up those throw pillows, mister, and smile when you do it.

OK so I'm not so much THIS kind
of Valentine.  Barf. - - oh excuse me . . .
BARK.  Yeah.  BARK.
Ladies, we have to be a little patient.  Everyone says it's a MAN's world.  Well, maybe.  But what's required in today's relationship is communication and multitasking and we have those instincts.  We had to work with the other moms and grandmoms to coordinate who was going to gather those berries today, and still manage to keep the 47 kids alive.  We have a leg up there.  So don't expect that your hunky hunter is going to spontaneously share his feeeeeeeeelings at length.  He can learn to identify them over time, and that's amazingly helpful.  Men, huddle up.  Sometimes, all you have to do is LISTEN.  Arm around the shoulder, hold a hand, mop a tear . . . don't freak out . . . it's ok.  I always say that one of these days I'm going to organize a class for men about relationship skills.  How would I get men to attend???  Simple.  In big red letters I would call it "HOW TO GET LAID MORE OFTEN."  

Start where your horse is :)   

(P.S.  This is supposed to be FUNNY.  Nobody get all upset by the overgeneralizations, ok?)

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

If you love someone, set them free.  If they come back to you, you're damn lucky.

Work hard to make sure they never want to leave again. 

Just sayin'.