Monday, February 25, 2013

Flooded. The word of the day is Flooded


Flooded, in a psychological sense, means overwhelmed, but at the subconscious, nearly neurological level.  All your little nerve endings are set to "TILT."  In my head, it's like being inside a popcorn popper filled with ping pong balls.  Total overstimulation. 
I know it's been a while since I've written about brains and horses.  Let's get back to the brain.  Remember our friend the amygdala?  Remember how it's a light switch - either off or on?  Guess what happens when we get flooded???!!!  Yep, you guessed it.  Total fight or flight response trigger.  Your brain says that much stimulation must be a swarm of ants or locusts or something, so you better get the heck outa Dodge!!

This guy looks familiar
imagerymajestic

Going back to the anger issue:  What's that instinct called:  FIGHT or flight?  How often, when we get overwhelmed, do we run screaming from the situation?  I always chuckle at that picture in my head.  I think it would be AWESOME to haul a** out of my kitchen a-la-McCaulay Culkin in Home Alone when my kids are bickering.  Unfortunately, most of the time running away isn't socially appropriate.  So, what's the other option besides flight?  Yeah.  FIGHT.  Ahh, my favorite useless emotion, ANGER.  When we get overwhelmed, our lizard brain kicks into high gear for self-protection and we lash out.

I'm thinking of all the different times this comes into play. 

  • Kids.  Most often for me, it's when both of my kids are talking to me at a time.  It goes nuclear when they are bickering, I am trying to do something else, or it's the end of a day where I've already seen 12 clients.  Or I'm tired.  Or I'm stressed.  Feels like my head is going to explode.  Ugh.  The results are not necessarily ones I'm always proud of.  (See:  Therapists are human too)
  • Arguments.  When one spouse is an internal processor, and he/she marries an external processor.  The words feel like machine-gun fire.  In the heat of the moment, the internal processor gets FLOODED and explodes.
  • Traffic.  You're late.  You're picturing all the negative consequences of being late.  The person behind you honks.  You flip them off and scream words you've never said before. 
  • Frustration.  You're already doing 16 different things, and the person who comes and asks for thing 17 (even though they have no idea they are number 17) gets snapped at. 
Everything about being flooded makes us want to scream STOP!!!!!!!
I think it would usually be better if we did.  Lashing out in anger never solves anything.  More on that to come. 

In searching for a photo to represent how that ping pong ball scenario looks inside my head, I was taken on a walk down memory lane to remember one of my favorite childhood shows: Captain Kangaroo!! Youtube this. The Captain never once ripped Mr. Moose's antlers off for dropping ping pong balls on his head. He always responded with assertiveness. Good job PBS!

Learn to recognize being flooded.  Take a breath.  Take a break.  Take a time-out.  Take a mental vacation.  DON'T blow up, because the blow up isn't really going to be about what you're blowing up about, it's going to be about being flooded.  Remember the amygdala hijack?  A sudden, intense emotional response that later seems out of proportion to the situation?  Don't Do It!  Besides, if you blow up, then you have to apologize (more on that later too) and any valid point you MIGHT have been making gets lost in the anger game.  (How's THAT for motivation!?!) No one has to listen to you if you're "pissed."  Don't make it easy to be disregarded.  At least make others work for it.

Hey!  This is the same guy!
imagerymajestic

This article brought to you today by the Denver Colorado "Blizzard" of 2013 and my kids who went out and sledded for a while, but were mostly trapped in the house.  They are tucked in bed now, and I am pleased to report that only once did crazy mommy come out, and that was when my 9 year old argued with me about whether her little animal avatar could get married on her online "Animal Jam" game.  That MIGHT have been one of those battles I could have saved for later . . . but it seems wrong for her to be planning a wedding.  I'm willing to take the chance that I over-reacted there. 

Anyway, the plan for today was for me to go into the office, see a couple of clients and get a whole bunch of work done in a nice, quiet, understimulating environment.  Right.  That happened. 

Note to self:  It would have been a better idea to not even TRY to get work done, give up and have a great quality time game day with the kids and call it good.  Tomorrow is a snow day for at least one kid . . . I'll try again. 

Photos courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net


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