By the time most couples are in my office, at least one person has at least one foot out the door. No one wants to hear "I'm not sure if I want to be with you anymore." It hurts. Suck it up. The price tag on your pride is HUGE.
It's scary to leave your ego and your defenses at the door and really roll up your sleeves and do the work of unraveling the damage you've done to your relationship over years. And the expectation is it will be better in weeks. Not gonna happen, my friends. This process takes time.
I'm here to say it's worth it. Think of how much time you've invested in this relationship and how many people will be impacted if it ends.
The only dealbreaker is one or more of the parties involved categorically refuses to make any concessions, won't own any part of the problem and doesn't really care if the other party leaves. Other than that? Anything can be overcome. Affairs, abuse, lying, addictions, distance, money . . . two people on the same side of the table working against the PROBLEM (assuming the probematic behavior STOPS) instead of two people treating each other as the problem can get through it.
A client recently turned me on to this movie. I thought it was a really nice snapshot of what marriage counseling looks like. Now in my office I tend to be less focused on sex, per se, and more on communication, but I think this movie did a nice job of demonstrating the process of having to buck up and discuss some really uncomfortable subjects, put on your big kid pants and get over yourself for the good of the relationship, which is ultimately for the good of the individual. It demonstrates the role of communication, assertiveness and limit-setting. I'm way more fun than that therapist though. Just sayin'.
I've got a few posts in the works about couples counseling. Stay tuned.
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