I'm Jealous of my Cats.

 

As I'm sitting here on a chilly Saturday afternoon procrastinating about work, realizing that I could realistically work all the time and still not get caught up, the family cats are keeping me company (see, you thought I just learned from horses!).  Frankly, I'm a little jealous.  They throw themselves into grooming each other with complete and utter abandon.  I'm struck by the ease with which they accept nurturing from each other:  eyes closed, no worries about whether they're doing it right or enough or whether the other will get up and leave. 

I'm sure there's some sort of formula for reciprocity going on here, but from the outside it doesn't seem like they're worried about matching each other lick for lick, it's just pure heaven.  What would this sound like in many relationships out there?

(We enter the scene as both are sleeping soundly, paws entwined)
Shadow: (flips over, grabs Cali's head and licks her enthusiastically)  IT'S SO NICE WAKING UP WITH YOU!!!  I LOVE YOU!!!

Cal:  (doesn't budge) Hey that feels awesome, thanks.

Shadow:  How come you're not licking me back?

Cal:  Ummmmmmm . . . I guess I was soaking up the love. 

Shadow:  You're so selfish. (pouts)

When one or the other has had enough, they just move - or bite.  There's no hurt feelings, no pouting, nothing.  Imagine people saying "Ok, I'm done with you now" with no backlash!! 

That's what a world full of boundaries would be like.  We could go to one another and say things like "I really would like some affection, " without worrying that it makes us VULNERABLE (shoot.  that's supposed to be a sound effect . . . someone screaming NOOOOOOOOO!!!!).  Because God forbid we ask for something and the other person says NO.  That must mean we should never have asked, right?  No, good boundaries means anyone can ask for anything anytime they want.  And anyone else can consider any request and decide, based on a number of factors including quality of relationship, available energy level, etc.  And no one has to get their feelings hurt, because "NO" is not a commentary on one's goodness and worth as a person, it's just an answer. 

I'm working on being more like my animals.  Tons easier.  So get out there and love with abandon.  Communicate fearlessly.  Quit worrying so much about what's going on in someone else's head.  Say "I REALLY LIKE YOU" or ask for something without worrying if you're going to sound stupid, or if the other person is going to think you're up to something (which they may).  Yep.  Sometimes it won't be reciprocated, sometimes it will fall flat, and sometimes it will feel downright weird.  But vulnerable?  Vulnerable to what?  Hurt?  Disappointment?  The only way to avoid those is to never take a risk.  But then we're just alone.  My cats think alone is not the way to go.  I'm with them.